?

Log in

Aotearoa [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
matamata

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Motivation for my dream! [Oct. 8th, 2010|02:56 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |determined]
[music |the music next door-the lucksmiths]

Well, it seems that another year has passed, and my birthday has come and gone. I am now 24 years old, and well I think it is time to start changing my habits. When I went into the geography major, I did it because my grades were okay. However, I had an epiphany ever since continually riding my bike over summer. I would like to be a transportation planner or something similar to that. I did not consider this before, but I decided to look at the university of auckland. I was looking for a possible planning program, and instead I came upon an American that had studied the program. I watched her videos on youtube, and this was probably the driving force for me wanting to study in New Zealand. Well, it turns out Otago has a program as well. So, I decided that I am going to motivate myself this semester, and get the best grades possible. It is crucial that I do very well this semester and next. I want to show both of these universities that I am worth their time and I am a good student. I had some slip-ups, but I did not realise the importance of college in the past. I have since woke up, and want to do anything I can to get into either Otago or Auckland. I have 1,000 saved thus far, and I am trying to keep going. I have around 1,510. I am looking at a goal of 6000 by Winter 2011. I do not know if this is impossible, but I am going to work my tail off to make it happen. I want to get more money, but that will not happen unfortunately. I have become so many hungry, and it kind of disgusts me. I ride my bike to work as much as possible. I do it for the environment, and also it saves me money. On average, I would say around $20pw. So, I am just trying to figure everything out. I figured if I could save 6,000 that could be my rent for a year in new zealand or maybe I could put it towards tuition. Either way, I have a goal of saving that money up. If I can get more than great.

If I can be determined enough to save money, I can be determined to do well at college. I need to study study study and read read read. I want this so badly that I am going through great lengths to do whatever I can to be accepted into one of these programs. I have never wanted something more in my life than this.

So, I would say the sacrifice is worth it in the end. Between reading constantly and grasping the material, or sacrificing spending cash. I have really done my part to reduce. I just have to keep working at saving money and studying. I have found what I want to do, and now I need to motivate myself and make that the driving force towards my life goals.

I am hoping that I can really achieve these goals, and I hope that with my improvements in grades will really appeal to auckland or otago.


I guess that is it for now.
linkpost comment

new semester and saving for my ultimate goal [Sep. 10th, 2010|10:02 am]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |pensivepensive]
[music |A New Chance-The Tough Alliance]

Well, the summer went by in a flash. It did not surprise me though, because I took three summer classes, and I was quite active over the summer. I have been trying to be very active lately. I think I might have overdone it. It was a decent summer, but there was no 'summer of love'. I do not think I have ever had one of those yet.

As for my classes, I like them thus far. I am taking an urban studies class about food, and it is really fascinating and scary. heh It kind of ties into the book that I am currently reading titled ' eating animals' it is a frightening book as it exposes factory-farming and agribusiness practices. SOme of the stuff that is on the page is almost too hard to read, and it paints a good visual in your mind. The other classes I am taking are: geography of south asia, geography statistics and a climate class.

Also, I am saving up as much money as possible. I have been riding my bike a lot lately, and I am doing this to save money. The only places I have not been riding my bike are: outpost, because that is not a close journey, and the next one is to uwm. I would probably die if I would rode my bike down there everyday. I am especially fearful of the rain. I think that is why I take the bus down there. I do walk to the bus stop though. It is about a 20 minute walk, and well I am probably going to get sick of it, but I think I will be okay. I am trying to keep saving money. THat is my main goal. I want to continue to save money. I am saving up for my biggest goal of a lifetime and that is New Zealand. I Want to live in the worst way possible. I need a better job that is true, but I am really working at getting this dream though. I am trying to eat healthy to have good teeth, nutrition, and overall good health. I need to stop driving my car so much, because it is incredibly wasteful, and why drive my car when i can bike to work. I need to ride my bike as much as possible right now.

I was thinking that I would do a working holiday visa in new zealand, but I figured I would to live there too badly, and that might be a bad idea. So, I am thinking that it would not be a good idea. I told myself the next time I go to New Zealand it will be to move there. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted. I noticed that having a busy summer has led to to not be so focused on it though. I do have times when I am utterly helpless, and I want to start crying, because I miss it so much. I am trying to get stronger though. I think I am going to take nursing classes over there. I am a bit confused right now. I just want to figure out my life, and I want to figure out how to move to New Zealand.I have a goal, I just need to sort out a well thought out plan, and then I need to stick to that plan. I do not think that doing a working holiday visa will really help my chances of moving to new zealand though. I am wondering if I could work the whole time to save up for uni, and then try to stay to study there. I am slowly trying to figure all of this out. I have no idea where any of my stuff would go. THat is one of the things I Am concerned about. I guess it may all be sold. I realised that you only live once, and if I do not see what living in New Zealand is like, I regret it for the rest of my life. SO, I am going to do whatever I can in my power to move there.

Anyway, I guess that is it for now. I hope it will be a good semester. I hope my books come in the post. :( I hope that I can save a lot of money this fall. I hope maybe I can find a better job, and try to get an internship next semester. I doubt that, but here is to hoping. I need to clean my room, and stop listening to the tough alliance.
linkpost comment

San Francisco or New Zealand [Jun. 16th, 2010|05:17 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |coming real-the bridal shop]

Well, I got back from my trip about 3 weeks ago now. It seems so sad that this could be the case. :( I miss it quite a bit, and I want to go back. I had a fantastic time. My plane was delayed until 10.45pm, and this meant that we wouldn't get to san francisco until 2am. So, I basically decided that it was best to stay at the airport. I was already at the other airport for quite a long time, and I decided to stay at this airport. I wasn't terribly upset, because a cab fare would've been very expensive. I slept for nearly an hour, and then I woke up to the woman speaker talking about airport safety. Anyway, I got on bart, and it felt like a complete dream to see bart again, and to ride on it. It felt almost nostalgic. I loved seeing the contrasting landscapes from beautiful hills to multi-coloured houses, and just everything becoming a blur. It seems so surreal now, but I was in San Francisco. Anyway, I couldn't check into my hostel until 2pm, so I just kind of roamed around the city in the rain. heh I am not going to talk about every little detail. Only that I stayed up for 36 hours that day. heh It was crazy, and that I met some lovely individuals including: ray, maggie, robert and paul. I really enjoyed spending time with all of these people, and a lot of them really put a smile on my face. Ray is a great guy, and he was curious to do anything. So, we explored the City, and we went up to Twin Peaks. We waited in a huge line for bi-rite ice cream. It was well worth it though. Maggie and Robert were really great as well. It was so weird to meet Maggie, and to completely feel at ease around her. I was fearful to meet Robert, because he never talked to me. However, he said he felt like he's known me for quite awhile. It didn't feel like we'd just met. They were both great, and spending time with them made my trip. Maggie is very sweet and cute, and Robert is really friendly, and both of them made me happy saying they enjoyed my company. As for Paul, he was a really nice guy. He showed me around berkeley, and we went to a good vegetarian restaurant. He was very caring, and he seems to understand my difficult life. I wish I could've seen more of Berkeley. I really love that place, and I want Paul's bedroom. :( I want an ocean breeze coming into my window, and I am laying on my bed listening to records or my ipod, and really just taking in that particular moment. As you can tell, I am quite a romanticist. Oh yeah, I turned down a lot of good stuff the field mice, the school, beach house, saturday looks good to me, and a few others. I felt like pinching myself half the time. Oh well, I wanted to save money. It would be so dangerous for me to live out there.

As for this San Francisco or New Zealand decision, it came upon me while I was on a morning run Sunday. I had the chills suddenly occur, and I thought of both of the places. I thought how I could possibly make up my mind, and which one I truly enjoyed more. Maybe I wouldn't have to make a compromise. I love both places, and I have to admit I do get jealous when I find out someone has gone/moved to one of them. I would have to admit that new zealand is a long-term goal. It seems like moving to the east bay could be plausible. I will just have to work at it. Then, maybe I could go to berkeley for city planning? I get chills when I think of New Zealand. I want to find a kiwi girlfriend. :) That will get me there. maybe I'd like to find a great girl from there, so I wouldn't have to just marry someone to move there. This might be pushing it a bit. arg

Anyway, I will make this post longer. For now, I must go to work.
linkpost comment

I am done with classes for a week, and I am going to San Francisco. [May. 23rd, 2010|12:50 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |busy]
[music |the chapter in your life entitled san francisco]

Well, It has been a crazy semester. I have never experienced so many moods were experienced within that time frame. This was probably my hardest semester yet. I could only imagine what grad school will be like. I feel kind of bad, because I have relied upon so many people this semester. After seeing The Joy Luck Club I really have been trying to have a clear mind. I used to stare at that movie at blockbuster when I was a kid. I saw that bridge, and I was like ' i wonder where that is?' Anyway, I finally got round to seeing it, and it taught me something. To follow your dreams. I know this post is cheesy, but seriously it made me realize how much I wanted new zealand yesterday. I was crying, and I truly knew what I had to do. I have to move there, and experience the country again. I want to live there, and explore all that it has to offer. I do not want to wake up one day and say ' why didn't i ever apply myself, so that I could have had the chance to move to new zealand?' I don't want to feel like that. Anyway, I guess that is it for my rant. I am going to San Francisco where I will no longer be a vegetarian. I realised that I do not really care what I do anymore. I am going to eat meat in San Francisco. I may go raw though when I come back to Wisconsin though. I just want to see what it is like. I guess that is really it for now. I think this summer I am going to start working out, and I am going to ride my bike a lot. I managed to get a friend now. I think that is an improvement in itself. I'm trying to cope with not having therapy anymore. I think that is pretty crap, because it is a difficult road if you feel sad already. Anyway, that is it for now.
linkpost comment

hellloooo [Apr. 11th, 2010|09:01 am]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |restlessrestless]
[music |melancholia-blueboy]

So, I want to know if checking your alarm about 4 or 5 times is ocd? I don't feel like my mum has the right to diagnose me with ocd. She laughed, and said. He has ocd. He may get it really badly. I can't believe he has ocd at 23 years old. I did something terrible. I ate a whole bag of crunch bar eggs yesterday, and I am paying for it today. I don't know what the hell i was thinking. I had a restless night for the food I ate, or it was what my mum said. This semester is so arg....... I just want to get through it, and then I can have summer, but I will be taking summer classes. heh I just can't win. I'm thinking about buying a $700 road bike? Does anyone think I am crazy? I just want one, and I need to start working out. I feel so unathletic sitting here being a blob on the net. I am still wondering if I should go to san francisco, or if I should just get a bike? It was save up for nz before, but I don't know so much anymore. I still want to move there. Wellington looks so picturesque. I want to move there. I can only hope. Anyway, I am done for now.
linkpost comment

Sunday Morning... [Apr. 4th, 2010|10:23 am]
matamata
[Current Location |My Bedroom]
[mood |worriedworried]
[music |Sunday Morning-Acid House Kings]

Well, it is Sunday, and well it is Easter Sunday. I am watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I know how pathetic, but I wanted to see it, because I saw it at sky city cinema in auckland. argg Anyway, it is 10.17am, an done much yet. I think I will get started now though. I think I still have time, and if I just study for a few hours here and there today I should be okay I hope. I need to do well, because I want my life to be happy. I want to get to New Zealand. I know me buying a plane ticket to San Francisco put a damper on my saving for New Zealand, but I can still work on it. I have a separate account for New Zealand, and I will have to make another account for emergencies. I can't wait until I will be able to work full-time, and then I can hopefully get a lot of hours. It will be a hectic summer. I have to take Summer classes. aghhh I want to do a bicycle race quite possibly. I just need to finish what is going on now though. I'm very uncertain about this geography degree, but I guess I am okay with it for now. Well, I guess that is it for now. Also, for some reason, I always start off my Sunday listening to The Acid House Kings' "Sunday Morning', is this weird?
linkpost comment

spring break and trying to be motivated. [Mar. 26th, 2010|01:28 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |sadsad]
[music |Honest Goodbyes-Bic Runga]

I realised what my problem is. I am dreaming, but I am not putting forth any effort to make anything happen. I am hoping for something, and it will not happen unless I really work at it. What is the point of dreaming about something when there is no motivation? I can't hope that I will have a miracle happen. I need to work at my dreams. I need to start with small goals, and then hopefully it will lead to bigger goals. I have started to eat healthier. I need to start working out. I am trying to save money. I need to keep saving money. I want to go to san francisco, but I just think it isn't a good idea. I need to to keep myself motivated for my big dream. I need to keep working at what I am doing now. After this degree, I look forward to going back to college. I hope with the few remaining days I have of spring break, I can get some stuff don rather than looking at pictures of new zealand or recipes on here.argggg That will never get me anywhere. I want this picture to be a reality below for me. I want to live in this lovely city which is Dunedin. :) I just need some motivation. :( We only have one life to live, and I truly want to do it, I am going to have to prove to myself that I want it. I did kind of think I was going to be content living in portland, seattle or san francisco, but I see those as being a hindrance to my long-term goal. So, the weekend is here,and I will be doing nothing, but maybe I can actually read and do some homework rather than being on this addictive thing called the net. I sometimes wish I lived in oregon though, because there are days where I just want to escape to a hot spring, and sit in it for like 3 hours. heh I would just try to clear my mind. Well, I guess that is it for now. I think I am going to be lazy for part of the day still. Then, I am going to make lunch. I need some encouragement.











link1 comment|post comment

Dinner, lifestyle changes, and motivation [Mar. 9th, 2010|08:05 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |Shine on Me-The Lucksmiths]

Well, I have gone through a transformation lately. I really wanted to stop eating so much ice cream. I though that if I did this, I would end up feeling better. I can't imagine eating as much ice cream as I used to. I used to be horrible with the amount of ice cream I consumed. I had a shamrock shake ( i know i know, I became very weak, and I decided to give in). I missed them, and wanted to see what they were like again. I have been eating healthier though. I am probably going to cut baby carrots out of my life though since they are disinfected with chlorine much like our drinking water. :( I never really eat chocolate anymore, and if I do I try to eat as little as possible. I'm going on a more raw diet now. I've incorporated green smoothies into my diet. I have to say that I sometimes get lazy of eating a salad, and well all I have to do is whiz some spinach peeled and sliced pears/apples and a banana into a blender, and voila green smoothie. I am making the choice to step away from dairy products quite soon, or at least going without them for long periods of time. I have been reading this guy brendan brazier's blog, and he has really inspired me to change my ways. He is canadian vegan triathlete, and he pretty much amazes me. So, I am hopefully going to stick to my word, and I will hopefully adapt to this new diet. This isn't to say that I will cancel out all cooked food. I just want to eat more raw food, and I want to see if I feel any different. I want to begin to exercise, and stop being such a bum. Tonight, I had steamed vegetables (asparagus, carrots and broccoli) and some quinoa. I added vegetable broth to the quinoa, and maybe I shouldn't have done that. The only negative I have noticed about quinoa is, it tends to get stuck in your teeth. :( Anyway, I am hoping that by eating healthier, and hopefully staying away from (dairy, soy, corn, and wheat), I will be happier and healthier. I don't know if I will reach optimal health, but I just am sick of eating chips and junk food like licorice or anything else.

As for motivation. I need something to motivate me. I realized that if someone has nothing to be motivated about, there won't be any motivation to begin with. However, if someone were to say ' I want to move to New Zealand', well they could set that as their motivation. Think of how someone has one life to live, and if they really want someone, they will do whatever it takes to achieve that dream/goal. So, I think I need to tell myself how important New Zealand is to me, and that if I slack off, or do something that may jeopardise my chances of getting to live there, well I will realise that I didn't want to achieve my goal as badly. I did notice that I spend way too much time on the net. I need to limit myself on here, and focus more on the important things at this present moment. Well, I guess it is really just one thing, but I need to really focus on it. I am trying to be optimistic. I know someone can't change overnight, but I think if I truly want something I will work as hard as I can to achieve. If the first time I don't succeed, I will try and try again until I hopefully achieve my dream.

As for any other things. Well, I realised I am okay with being single now. I just kind of accepted the idea. I've been single for well about two years now. Well, it may even be longer than that. I have 'seen' people, and gone on dates, but nothing really happened after that. I am okay with that though. If I have a girlfriend that will just be a setback. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I think that if I am truly focused on my dream, I need to take this time now to focus on college. I don't really have any friends either. I have to admit that can be a bit rough, but I am somehow managing. Some days are better than others, and being home on the weekends with your mum is very awkward. Especially when you are listening to music, and she is talking to your door, and you are completely clueless why she is doing it.

Anyway, I guess this is it for now. I hope that I stay with my diet right now. I need to continue to have green smoothies. I need to keep having oatmeal, and maybe eliminate the peanut butter, because it is so processed, and maybe just keep the fresh fruit in there. I have a bit of peanut butter left, so I might as well use it up. However, once it is gone, I am going to eliminate it. My overall diet goal is to eliminate a lot of processed foods from my diet. I know this seems like a hard task, but the internet is a valuable resource, and it has helped me along the way. Anyway, I guess this is it for now.
linkpost comment

new zealand or california [Feb. 16th, 2010|05:26 pm]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |frustratedundecided]
[music |Nobody's Child-The Cavalcade]

So, it is my last year in college. It was quite nice being able to relax over the long winter holiday. I am slowly readjusting to being back in college though. I have $1110 saved at the moment, and I will hopefully get an okay amount back from income taxes so maybe I will be at $1600 by summer. Then, I have my fieldwork to do, and then I will work my life away in summer. I will ride my bike as much as possible, and I will think accordingly when it comes to eating snacks. I found out that I really enjoy peanut butter and apple. I don't know if it is the healthiest thing for me to eat, but I really like it. I guess it reminds me of a healthier version of caramel? As for my vegetarianism, I messed up today by eating jambalaya. I was like 'freeee food', and so I went for it. THe guy didn't tell me about the shrimp or anything. I started eating it, and well I just didn't beat myself up about it.

As for new zealand and san francisco,I should definitely mention this, because it is the subject of my journal. Well, like I have said, I have $1110 at the moment. I am hoping with my income taxes that I will have $1600, and then I am hoping that I can work my butt off this summer. I will ride my bike wherever I can to use it to its full potential. I found it so funny when people would ask if I wanted a ride home. I always declined their offers, and they thought I was completely insane. I saved a lot of money by not driving my car so much. Anyway, my trip with everything to san francisco would be $617-$650. I don't think it is that expensive, but I am thinking of how that could be half of a plane ticket to new zealand. As many of my friends already know on here, I really do like new zealand. It is my life's dream to live there some day, and given this opportunity I would like to take full advantage of it. So, I need to weigh my options.

I think the most important thing right now though, is to really focus on college. So, I can get good grades. I think I will really try to make that my main priority. I love the computer, and Is ometimes find it to be my life support system, but I am looking to get healthier. I am starting to not eat so many processed foods, and I am trying to incorporate more raw snacks into my diet (veggies, nuts, fruits). I do sometimes have ice cream, and I feel guilty about it, but I noticed that I never buy half gallons anymore. As much as I love hokey pokey, I will not have 2L of the stuff in new zealand. That would be a bad move. I did that last time, and well that was a very dumb idea. I ate so many sweets, and I had so much stuff that was bad for me. I will definitely try them again, but I will not make them a daily staple of my diet. As for san francisco, I know it is cheaper to eat bagels they supply, but there are a lot of carbs in bagels, and bagels aren't good for you in any way. Maybe I can just buy some oatmeal, and I will have that everyday like I do here. I really need to keep this on the 'not so important' list of things, so I can really concentrate, but to think about it once in awhile is okay.
linkpost comment

aotearoa [Dec. 7th, 2009|12:25 am]
matamata
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[mood |sadsad]
[music |chelsea guitar-blueboy]

HOW WILL I EVER GET TO NEW ZEALAND??? I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD EVER DO ANYTHING PROFESSIONAL. IT HAS BEEN SEVEN YEARS, AND I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING............
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]